158. Adrian Grenier on Fame, Fatherhood & Finding the True Man Within

WEBVTT

00:00.611 --> 00:02.011
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to Bridging Connections.

00:02.231 --> 00:03.872
[SPEAKER_01]: Formerly known as men this way.

00:04.172 --> 00:06.212
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host Brian with the Y-Reaves.

00:06.592 --> 00:07.173
[SPEAKER_01]: Former U.S.

00:07.233 --> 00:11.254
[SPEAKER_01]: Air Force Captain turned author and professional coach to men, women, and couples.

00:11.954 --> 00:16.215
[SPEAKER_01]: Alongside me as co-host, my lifelong friend of over forty years to air.

00:16.735 --> 00:26.257
[SPEAKER_01]: Here we have the raw, real conversations we need to be having about the topics that matter most, relationships, purpose, health, spirituality, and more.

00:26.717 --> 00:28.318
[SPEAKER_01]: Please subscribe to stay connected.

00:28.698 --> 00:29.438
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, let's dive.

00:36.145 --> 00:37.166
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the show.

00:37.626 --> 00:39.188
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm on summer break at the moment.

00:39.448 --> 00:43.731
[SPEAKER_01]: My wife and I headed to Scotland on a long overdue vacation.

00:44.492 --> 00:46.373
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm reaching back into the archives.

00:46.754 --> 00:49.696
[SPEAKER_01]: Back to when the show was actually called men this way.

00:50.316 --> 00:54.580
[SPEAKER_01]: When I invited on my dear brother, the actor and activist Adrian Greeneer.

00:55.200 --> 01:03.567
[SPEAKER_01]: You may know Adrian from the hit HBO series on Taraj or movies like The Devil Wears Prada with Merrill Streep and Anne Hathaway and other things as well.

01:04.554 --> 01:11.838
[SPEAKER_01]: Adrian's he's been around on acting scene for a while and Adrian and I have been in an intimate men's group together for the last five years.

01:12.198 --> 01:28.047
[SPEAKER_01]: So I had the privilege of watching Adrian undergo a massive transformation from hedonistic Hollywood actor and world famous celebrity to grounded family man devoted husband father and humble steward of forty six acres of deep central Texas land.

01:29.548 --> 01:35.370
[SPEAKER_01]: In this episode, Adrian brings us into the forces that compelled him along that transformational journey.

01:35.771 --> 01:37.471
[SPEAKER_01]: What needed to change for him and why.

01:38.152 --> 01:50.357
[SPEAKER_01]: I think every man who has any kind of ambition, he needs to hear the stories of men who have succeeded in big ways, only to discover the mountain summit ain't all it's cracked up to be, and that is sure ain't worth selling your heart and soul for.

01:51.395 --> 01:53.416
[SPEAKER_01]: We talk about our adventures and brotherhood together.

01:53.636 --> 01:58.598
[SPEAKER_01]: Some of the obstacles we faced along the way, even with each other and share a few tender moments too.

01:58.918 --> 02:09.842
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a moving conversation between brothers who sometimes struggle to see eye to eye on big issues and yet remain committed to staying partnered, loving and respectful with each other.

02:11.776 --> 02:22.024
[SPEAKER_01]: One last thing, if you're a man in this episode stirs something in you and you find yourself wondering how a deep brotherhood with inspired men might serve you in profound ways.

02:22.524 --> 02:27.008
[SPEAKER_01]: You should know I'm opening up applications for Elevate, twenty twenty six.

02:27.548 --> 02:33.453
[SPEAKER_01]: My year-long coaching adventure for men committed to elevating their lives and relationships in twenty twenty six.

02:34.373 --> 02:37.476
[SPEAKER_01]: Only ten men are invited each year on this adventure with me.

02:37.876 --> 02:38.817
[SPEAKER_01]: You could be one of those men.

02:39.489 --> 02:42.550
[SPEAKER_01]: Learn more at Brianreaves.com slash elevate.

02:42.771 --> 02:46.552
[SPEAKER_01]: It's Brian with a Y. Reaves.com slash elevate.

02:47.213 --> 02:50.854
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, please enjoy this intimate conversation with Adrian Greeneer.

02:53.316 --> 02:54.716
[SPEAKER_01]: My brother, Adrian.

02:55.297 --> 02:57.237
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to Men This Way.

02:57.738 --> 03:00.219
[SPEAKER_01]: Brian with a Y. What's up?

03:00.299 --> 03:00.939
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, man.

03:01.359 --> 03:01.980
[SPEAKER_01]: Here we are.

03:02.060 --> 03:02.600
[SPEAKER_01]: We doing it.

03:02.940 --> 03:03.460
[SPEAKER_01]: We doing it.

03:03.480 --> 03:04.661
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm excited, man.

03:04.681 --> 03:05.281
[SPEAKER_01]: True to true.

03:05.341 --> 03:07.402
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm really glad to have you on men this way.

03:07.422 --> 03:08.683
[SPEAKER_01]: This is a long time and coming, man.

03:09.063 --> 03:09.283
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

03:09.383 --> 03:12.705
[SPEAKER_01]: And I remember, what was it?

03:12.805 --> 03:13.685
[SPEAKER_01]: What's it been now?

03:13.945 --> 03:17.147
[SPEAKER_01]: Was it three years ago, four years ago, two years ago?

03:17.167 --> 03:20.608
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, at least three or five times is the question.

03:20.728 --> 03:21.349
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, they're come on.

03:21.629 --> 03:22.929
[SPEAKER_01]: OK, part of it.

03:22.949 --> 03:23.770
[SPEAKER_01]: I forgot which layer.

03:24.010 --> 03:25.250
[SPEAKER_01]: Which layer are we talking about here?

03:25.331 --> 03:25.891
[SPEAKER_01]: Lifetimes.

03:25.971 --> 03:26.491
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, who knows?

03:27.191 --> 03:34.575
[SPEAKER_01]: But I remember Adrian, my first repersonal introduction to you, came when you were

03:36.051 --> 03:40.574
[SPEAKER_01]: At least in my view, you were in the midst of a profound life.

03:41.294 --> 03:45.757
[SPEAKER_01]: Transformation like a butterfly will a caterpillar in a cocoon moment.

03:46.757 --> 03:46.958
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

03:47.238 --> 03:48.318
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

03:49.099 --> 03:49.379
[SPEAKER_01]: True.

03:49.399 --> 03:57.544
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember even, you know, we in our men's group, we keep in touch almost daily through a video chat app, right?

03:57.784 --> 04:00.326
[SPEAKER_01]: It's pretty unheard of, men talking every day to each other, damn near.

04:00.346 --> 04:01.767
[SPEAKER_01]: That's weird.

04:02.307 --> 04:05.509
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I question the sanity of it all the time.

04:07.152 --> 04:15.494
[SPEAKER_01]: But I remember, man, you were your first videos were like, you were like a hostage.

04:17.934 --> 04:20.895
[SPEAKER_01]: You were like, I don't know where you were.

04:21.035 --> 04:23.976
[SPEAKER_01]: Were you in your trailer, your camper at the time?

04:24.556 --> 04:24.996
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

04:25.016 --> 04:31.458
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, man, I looked back at some of those pictures and the videos and I was so sober.

04:33.759 --> 04:43.128
[SPEAKER_00]: Everything, you know, and I was taking things very seriously including my beard, which was long and robust.

04:44.069 --> 04:46.952
[SPEAKER_00]: And my hair, I didn't shave anything.

04:46.992 --> 04:54.920
[SPEAKER_00]: I was in deep retreat meditation, self-actualization, exploration, and

04:57.488 --> 05:05.863
[SPEAKER_00]: So what I had done was I had rejected all of the material things that I had accumulated.

05:09.066 --> 05:11.648
[SPEAKER_00]: I lived in New York in LA and around the world.

05:11.668 --> 05:14.370
[SPEAKER_00]: I was traveling a lot and I had a lot of stuff.

05:14.390 --> 05:22.616
[SPEAKER_00]: I had a lot of things and houses and stuff and just material escapes and distractions, shiny objects.

05:23.297 --> 05:33.244
[SPEAKER_00]: And I knew that I needed to really get loaded around and reject, not reject, but just not allow those things to get in the way of my growth journey.

05:34.085 --> 05:37.668
[SPEAKER_00]: So I ended up moving into a camper that didn't have a bathroom

05:39.262 --> 05:42.344
[SPEAKER_00]: It was tiny, tiny camp, or maybe fifty square feet.

05:42.485 --> 05:46.207
[SPEAKER_00]: And then there was a garage that did have a bathroom.

05:48.462 --> 05:56.085
[SPEAKER_00]: I think when we would talk and there would be that brick wall, that was the inside of the garage where the bathroom was.

05:57.206 --> 05:59.086
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had a little hot plate in there.

05:59.106 --> 06:09.210
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was basically a tiny little refrigerator, one of those little, you know, basically beverage refrigerators and a hot plate.

06:09.711 --> 06:16.253
[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe a plate, a bowl, a spoon, a knife and a toilet.

06:18.965 --> 06:19.705
[SPEAKER_01]: Lots of you, man.

06:19.985 --> 06:38.354
[SPEAKER_01]: It remains a precious memory for me, seeing you really come in with such just, again, my, the way that you occurred for me, it's just like such humility, such, yes, seriousness, sure, but sort of like, I know I need to be here, but I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing here, if I, I don't know what this is, but I need this.

06:38.394 --> 06:47.058
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, this was the way it all occurred for me, and I was very precious for me, man, the way that you, you joined our little crew.

06:48.342 --> 06:57.585
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, in retrospect, it was precious for me, although I do admit it was very challenging and uncomfortable.

06:57.605 --> 06:59.325
[SPEAKER_00]: So I really did.

06:59.625 --> 07:09.448
[SPEAKER_00]: And you came into my life at a very important time where I knew that I could not do this journey alone that I tried to be

07:10.221 --> 07:26.492
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you know, ruggedly individual for way too long and I needed I needed not not just any support, I needed masculine support, I need other men to be a stand for for what I wanted hold me accountable to

07:29.614 --> 07:52.282
[SPEAKER_00]: Confirm me and nourish me in ways that I need like open heart-centered men who could actually see me for what I was trying to do and not try and hold me back or keep me playing small and I was so blessed to have been invited into the group that you were in with you know the pressed and invited me into and that you I guess had to

07:53.382 --> 07:56.424
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, give a yes vote for as well.

07:56.604 --> 07:57.084
[SPEAKER_03]: That's right.

07:57.184 --> 07:58.324
[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you.

07:58.805 --> 07:59.165
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

07:59.345 --> 08:04.787
[SPEAKER_00]: And man, what I feel so, so I mean, I can't believe that I got so lucky.

08:06.508 --> 08:08.189
[SPEAKER_00]: That this group is so special.

08:08.309 --> 08:17.033
[SPEAKER_00]: So just and I'm sure like other men's groups are also amazing in their own ways, but man, it just came at the right moment where I just

08:18.398 --> 08:21.460
[SPEAKER_00]: I laughed it up, I soft it up and learned so much.

08:22.321 --> 08:37.030
[SPEAKER_00]: And you guys, you guys were there during, I think maybe the lowest of the low, darkest of the dark, rock bottom of my journey, where I really needed that light at the end of the tunnel, like that north star.

08:37.090 --> 08:44.974
[SPEAKER_00]: And as much as I kept at times losing track and thinking I was utterly lost and that didn't know which way was up.

08:46.735 --> 09:00.084
[SPEAKER_00]: You as a group would remind me of my direction and encourage me and reassure me that I was on the right path and not to not to stray and not to give up

09:00.614 --> 09:01.695
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, wow, man.

09:04.136 --> 09:07.739
[SPEAKER_01]: You're answering a few of my questions ahead of time here.

09:08.359 --> 09:14.143
[SPEAKER_01]: But because I really want to dive into this question, this inquiry of brotherhood with you.

09:14.283 --> 09:23.310
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we've been, you and I have been amongst this group of, I think, well, we're thirteen men for... I think we're thirteen.

09:24.728 --> 09:26.530
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, right, we, the twelfth disciples.

09:27.931 --> 09:29.973
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, it's the Jesus and then the twelfth disciples.

09:29.993 --> 09:31.094
[SPEAKER_01]: So one of us is Jesus.

09:32.455 --> 09:33.075
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.

09:37.059 --> 09:51.352
[SPEAKER_01]: But before we, we go further into that, I want to take a step back because, I mean, Adrian, you were at the top of a game that most men would love to win, but will never even get a chance to play.

09:54.205 --> 09:57.367
[SPEAKER_01]: What stopped working for you?

10:00.049 --> 10:01.170
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it was working too well.

10:03.972 --> 10:15.461
[SPEAKER_00]: It was working so well that I had sort of relinquished all of my autonomy, my authority to the momentum, the inertia that wasn't my own.

10:16.641 --> 10:18.603
[SPEAKER_00]: I was just being pulled along for the ride.

10:19.525 --> 10:20.626
[SPEAKER_00]: And what a ride it was.

10:20.706 --> 10:22.707
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it was luscious.

10:22.867 --> 10:24.328
[SPEAKER_00]: It was really fun.

10:24.388 --> 10:30.232
[SPEAKER_00]: It was, um, he, he'd anistic and decadent decadent.

10:30.252 --> 10:31.553
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah, I was a voice.

10:31.593 --> 10:31.753
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

10:34.195 --> 10:39.638
[SPEAKER_00]: And, um, you know, and I, and I realized that I was being used up.

10:40.219 --> 10:44.942
[SPEAKER_00]: And I really look at it as I was being exploited, maybe, on some level.

10:45.684 --> 10:47.286
[SPEAKER_00]: I was exploiting myself, let's say.

10:48.328 --> 10:58.502
[SPEAKER_00]: I was allowing myself to be prostituted for money and fame and a sense of self to become the man so that I felt powerful.

11:00.538 --> 11:03.720
[SPEAKER_00]: The man and I say them intentionally, but I wasn't a man.

11:03.780 --> 11:15.046
[SPEAKER_00]: I was, I was like just a, like a representation, an idea of a man that was projected on television screens around the world.

11:15.066 --> 11:20.709
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know, to be a man is something much different.

11:20.729 --> 11:22.950
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had to go figure out what that was with that look like.

11:23.190 --> 11:25.932
[SPEAKER_00]: And, and I just felt it intuitively.

11:27.214 --> 11:34.602
[SPEAKER_00]: For many years when things were at their best, when I had, you know, you look on paper and everything's working.

11:35.083 --> 11:40.528
[SPEAKER_00]: I have, I have the money, I have the fame, I'm climbing the ladder of

11:41.610 --> 11:42.750
[SPEAKER_00]: business the industry.

11:43.310 --> 11:44.991
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm getting into investments.

11:45.111 --> 11:48.552
[SPEAKER_00]: I have properties.

11:48.612 --> 11:52.432
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm becoming a little mini Brooklyn real estate mogul.

11:52.872 --> 11:53.653
[SPEAKER_00]: I have all the things.

11:54.653 --> 11:55.433
[SPEAKER_00]: Access power.

11:57.413 --> 11:58.114
[SPEAKER_00]: Female attention.

11:59.654 --> 12:04.695
[SPEAKER_00]: And yet there was something nine inside that this dread is hate.

12:05.632 --> 12:06.953
[SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't put my finger on it.

12:07.694 --> 12:11.017
[SPEAKER_00]: There's part of me waiting for the other shoot to drop.

12:11.057 --> 12:15.300
[SPEAKER_00]: Like something, surely life can't be this good, right?

12:15.480 --> 12:16.781
[SPEAKER_00]: There's got to be something else.

12:18.042 --> 12:20.824
[SPEAKER_00]: And yet everything just kept getting handed to me.

12:20.885 --> 12:22.746
[SPEAKER_00]: Everything was just rolling out perfectly.

12:23.847 --> 12:29.211
[SPEAKER_00]: And I finally hit rock bottom and there was I had my a breakdown.

12:31.905 --> 12:51.025
[SPEAKER_00]: I realized that that dread, that secret dread was in fact, a part of me that was dead inside, that it wasn't really, you know, I realized I hadn't made a decision for myself ever in my entire life.

12:52.550 --> 12:54.833
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I was thrust into this world.

12:54.913 --> 12:55.754
[SPEAKER_00]: I was born.

12:55.774 --> 13:01.120
[SPEAKER_00]: And then, you know, I needed mommy to feed me to survive.

13:01.180 --> 13:05.005
[SPEAKER_00]: And then when you're a toddler and you're a kid, you're listening to your parents.

13:05.065 --> 13:11.092
[SPEAKER_00]: And then maybe when you're a teenager, you're listening to your friends and getting into trouble and doing what they tell you.

13:11.792 --> 13:14.633
[SPEAKER_00]: is cool, you know, what's hip.

13:14.893 --> 13:18.795
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you're maybe in your twenties and you get a job and you're listening to your boss.

13:18.835 --> 13:24.198
[SPEAKER_00]: And then maybe you find independence in your doing your own business and working for yourself.

13:24.638 --> 13:28.599
[SPEAKER_00]: But you're just really answering to Uncle Sam or chasing the dollar.

13:28.619 --> 13:31.561
[SPEAKER_00]: And I hadn't been making decisions intentionally.

13:32.181 --> 13:36.623
[SPEAKER_00]: Following my heart, following my Dharma, following my purpose, like what the fuck am I doing here?

13:36.643 --> 13:39.404
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I was headed straight for the inevitable.

13:39.964 --> 13:40.705
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a mortal man.

13:41.605 --> 13:48.990
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, my days are dwindling and I just and I realize I was like, why did I come here?

13:50.171 --> 13:50.831
[SPEAKER_00]: Why am I here?

13:52.032 --> 13:59.977
[SPEAKER_01]: So you're asking that question at a time when you're also looking around and not feeling deeply connected to the work you're actually doing.

14:00.397 --> 14:01.098
[SPEAKER_01]: Is that fair to say?

14:01.748 --> 14:03.532
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

14:04.293 --> 14:05.896
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I really love acting.

14:05.956 --> 14:07.038
[SPEAKER_00]: I love filmmaking.

14:07.099 --> 14:08.882
[SPEAKER_00]: I love being creative.

14:09.764 --> 14:11.567
[SPEAKER_00]: There's something very fulfilling about it.

14:13.759 --> 14:20.021
[SPEAKER_00]: The creative arts and acting in particular really is just, you know, it's a illusion.

14:20.041 --> 14:23.681
[SPEAKER_00]: You're creating story, you're creating illusion.

14:24.702 --> 14:25.582
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a magic trick.

14:26.742 --> 14:30.803
[SPEAKER_00]: And I wanted to, and I was totally ungrounded and unrooted.

14:31.343 --> 14:38.365
[SPEAKER_00]: So my whole life was designed to lift off of the ground, get, come out of my body.

14:38.965 --> 15:05.755
[SPEAKER_00]: escape into illusion and delusion and numbing and escape and the lifestyle, also the spoils of that industry, Hollywood, is the seduction of it is that you get to have all the tasty treats of indulgence, which further take you out of yourself.

15:06.268 --> 15:16.452
[SPEAKER_00]: And I guess I came to understand later after I did enough of the self discovery and her work is that I think we come here to be rooted in.

15:16.472 --> 15:28.816
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of times people think spirituality is out and you know, it's like in the stars, but really a much of it is, I mean, it is that, but it's also being here on the earth.

15:29.277 --> 15:33.138
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm doing what you can to support humanity.

15:34.359 --> 15:35.479
[SPEAKER_00]: Our collective growth

15:36.535 --> 15:36.775
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

15:37.035 --> 15:40.559
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you know, you know, a lot about my story and my family story.

15:40.579 --> 15:56.132
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to talk about fatherhood a little bit too, but I mean, you're speaking to the experience that I've lived in my family dynamic where my father, his spirituality is taken him away from away from his body away from the earth into the clouds away from his family.

15:56.152 --> 15:57.573
[SPEAKER_01]: It's bizarre.

15:57.593 --> 15:58.774
[SPEAKER_01]: It's weird and it's tragic.

15:59.095 --> 16:00.316
[SPEAKER_01]: Really and painful.

16:00.776 --> 16:00.936
[SPEAKER_01]: So

16:02.738 --> 16:04.220
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that, but yeah, I know that about you.

16:04.640 --> 16:16.433
[SPEAKER_01]: And, but you're pointing to something Adrian, that also I think so many men have a confrontation with eventually regardless of what kind of success they achieve.

16:16.473 --> 16:21.218
[SPEAKER_01]: It's that confrontation of, okay, I've been doing the thing that I was supposed to do.

16:22.319 --> 16:23.259
[SPEAKER_01]: for decades now.

16:24.300 --> 16:26.881
[SPEAKER_01]: And it ain't scratching the the deepest itch.

16:27.601 --> 16:28.722
[SPEAKER_01]: They're still in itch.

16:29.242 --> 16:39.226
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I see this, I mean, whether it's, you know, one of my, one of my friends, I wanted to be a fighter pilot when we went to college together and he became a fighter pilot in the air force.

16:40.067 --> 16:40.207
[SPEAKER_01]: And

16:41.407 --> 16:46.331
[SPEAKER_01]: uh, you know, did his twenty twenty five years and now flies for the airlines.

16:46.791 --> 16:55.777
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's like just that the natural progression, but there was some point where he came to that confrontation too in the military, where he's just sort of looking around going, is this it?

16:56.238 --> 17:02.342
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, he has in a way one of the most prestigious jobs on the planet, fighter pilot for the United States Air Force.

17:02.662 --> 17:09.245
[SPEAKER_01]: Doesn't get cooler than that, except for maybe the lead actor on an HBO series, I don't know, comparable.

17:09.925 --> 17:14.227
[SPEAKER_01]: And still, he's looking at himself going, what am I here for?

17:15.027 --> 17:16.288
[SPEAKER_01]: He's living in that question.

17:16.328 --> 17:23.291
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think that that confrontation that you speak of is so universally relatable.

17:24.750 --> 17:30.594
[SPEAKER_01]: I get the benefit Adrian of knowing you more on the other side of you leaving that world.

17:31.755 --> 17:34.456
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know you when you were on that side of it.

17:34.936 --> 17:43.962
[SPEAKER_01]: But what I'm curious about is what role did men play in helping you make that transition?

17:44.282 --> 17:44.802
[SPEAKER_01]: If any.

17:45.623 --> 17:46.643
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah.

17:47.104 --> 17:52.687
[SPEAKER_00]: So I started to realize that my version of masculinity

17:53.461 --> 18:11.451
[SPEAKER_00]: of being a man or being the man, as it was dictated by society, by shows like Hunterage, the cliches of masculinity on often, about power or fortune or sex.

18:13.933 --> 18:21.137
[SPEAKER_00]: There were a lot of unhealthy expressions of masculinity that I'd been conditioned

18:21.918 --> 18:25.123
[SPEAKER_00]: by media to emulate or to aspire to.

18:25.424 --> 18:32.115
[SPEAKER_00]: Furthermore, there may be arguments that media corrupts the mind, right?

18:32.716 --> 18:32.897
[SPEAKER_00]: Sure.

18:33.814 --> 18:38.595
[SPEAKER_00]: on some level, it does, it does actually have an influence on some level.

18:39.136 --> 18:44.137
[SPEAKER_00]: But it wasn't the movies or the television that made me do anything.

18:44.357 --> 18:52.179
[SPEAKER_00]: It was that in combination with the masculine role models or lack thereof that I grew up with.

18:53.880 --> 18:54.380
[SPEAKER_00]: The men that were

18:55.045 --> 19:17.822
[SPEAKER_00]: physically there teaching me their sort of, you know, destructive versions of masculine or teach me how to indulge or to womanize or to sneak around accountability or to, or to just be absent.

19:18.542 --> 19:19.303
[SPEAKER_00]: They taught me that too.

19:22.225 --> 19:49.688
[SPEAKER_00]: So just like set that as like a baseline for my experience growing up and Growing up I actually ended up like I grew up as a single only child with a single mom So it wasn't like a single father that corrupted me it was like a sweet of men that came and went You know and but and ultimately feeling alone

19:50.710 --> 19:58.456
[SPEAKER_00]: without a father figure, like a real like my father, let's just say like my dad, to guide me, to teach me, to show me.

19:58.776 --> 20:02.699
[SPEAKER_00]: So there's always that, I have to figure this out myself.

20:03.420 --> 20:17.511
[SPEAKER_00]: And I did, I went out and I ended up figuring it out through acting and finding a way to make money and take care of myself and then ultimately on a show called on to Raj, where I

20:18.537 --> 20:22.658
[SPEAKER_00]: where I really thought I was hitting the hitting it on the head.

20:22.698 --> 20:32.001
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, oh, I got this now, because not only do I get to project what it is to be the man, I get to also become that myself.

20:32.722 --> 20:43.105
[SPEAKER_00]: So it wasn't until I had to completely take myself out of that pattern that I was, I guess, seduced into and seek

20:48.344 --> 20:59.006
[SPEAKER_00]: other versions, other expressions of masculinity, and get to a place in my head where I saw that as desirable.

21:01.447 --> 21:13.269
[SPEAKER_00]: So I would look at men who were well-adjusted, who were maybe doing God's work, or being a healthy expression of divine masculine,

21:14.088 --> 21:16.250
[SPEAKER_00]: And on some level, I would reject them.

21:16.870 --> 21:24.095
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that what a whimper, what a beta or yeah, like boring.

21:24.115 --> 21:31.920
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, when some way to dismiss that whole thing wholesale, so that I didn't have to look at it, so that I

21:32.600 --> 21:37.543
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was still me pretending I was cool or acting better than or being powerful.

21:37.903 --> 21:46.849
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, and also on some level, not knowing, knowing deep down side that if I started to pursue that, I'd have to give up a lot of stuff that I was enjoying.

21:48.650 --> 21:58.956
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, first it was getting myself into a place where I could recognize the value of men who were doing the work, elevated men.

22:01.494 --> 22:03.884
[SPEAKER_00]: The second part was to seek and ask for help.

22:04.767 --> 22:05.952
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I actually say, hey,

22:07.018 --> 22:08.639
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm forty something years old.

22:08.799 --> 22:12.181
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah, and this is not something I did when I was in my teens, by the way, right?

22:12.201 --> 22:18.645
[SPEAKER_00]: It took me forty years to to finally go through the right of passage from like into adulthood.

22:19.285 --> 22:25.809
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would have to and and so get to the place where I could seek out men humble myself and say, I don't the fuck I'm doing.

22:27.050 --> 22:27.771
[SPEAKER_00]: Will you help me?

22:27.851 --> 22:28.571
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you help me?

22:28.591 --> 22:29.151
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

22:30.352 --> 22:35.035
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, so when I reached out to Preston, that was very much it.

22:36.240 --> 22:46.894
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, this guy, this guy's doing something that I know is I know just based on the amount of work I'd done at the time, I knew was where I should be.

22:47.154 --> 22:48.916
[SPEAKER_00]: Those are the people I should be surrounded myself with.

22:50.189 --> 22:59.053
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, man, yeah, you were fortuitist to be connected with Preston, because he is one of the most generous of heart people that I've ever known.

22:59.073 --> 23:06.456
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, and I owe our connection, I owe this group of men that were in to him.

23:06.937 --> 23:08.758
[SPEAKER_01]: It was born up in the illusion.

23:10.218 --> 23:19.725
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, he definitely sometimes feels the part in a beautiful way.

23:19.745 --> 23:22.387
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I'm the Judas, actually.

23:23.868 --> 23:31.794
[SPEAKER_01]: You do enjoy playing a foreign in the side, but so do I. We are in Rose.

23:32.495 --> 23:33.275
[SPEAKER_01]: We are.

23:33.636 --> 23:34.196
[SPEAKER_00]: We are.

23:34.256 --> 23:36.218
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you vine for the Judas role?

23:36.878 --> 23:40.703
[SPEAKER_01]: trying not to, but sometimes I can't help myself, as you know.

23:40.723 --> 23:46.569
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I'm curious about the brotherhood, right?

23:46.589 --> 23:47.430
[SPEAKER_01]: This idea of brotherhood.

23:47.470 --> 23:48.411
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you said it.

23:48.431 --> 23:50.173
[SPEAKER_01]: You're in entourage.

23:50.213 --> 23:52.556
[SPEAKER_01]: You were the embodiment.

23:53.617 --> 23:56.841
[SPEAKER_01]: of the ideal man.

23:56.961 --> 23:58.442
[SPEAKER_01]: It's got it all.

23:58.603 --> 24:00.024
[SPEAKER_01]: And he has a fucking entourage.

24:00.064 --> 24:05.050
[SPEAKER_01]: He has dudes around him that he gets to, you know, ravage the landscape, the landscape.

24:05.070 --> 24:06.792
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I can get to ravage the land with.

24:10.996 --> 24:11.216
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?

24:11.536 --> 24:17.200
[SPEAKER_01]: So to the pillage and do the other things that that revenue men do in the landscape.

24:17.861 --> 24:32.131
[SPEAKER_01]: And yet you're in a new kind of brotherhood now, curious, how is your definition of brotherhood shifting as a result of your experience in this group of men?

24:32.571 --> 24:39.696
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I often do critique on to Raj and that whole phenomenon

24:40.870 --> 24:46.999
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, just because, you know, I, I, I, my awareness is expanded beyond it.

24:47.900 --> 24:49.662
[SPEAKER_00]: Not beyond it, but it's expanded.

24:49.722 --> 24:51.344
[SPEAKER_00]: I, I, I, it's expanded.

24:51.885 --> 24:53.007
[SPEAKER_00]: But I, I do, um,

24:53.926 --> 24:57.589
[SPEAKER_00]: I am very careful to make sure to give on charge.

24:57.709 --> 25:02.672
[SPEAKER_00]: It's due because it was a fantastic show, right?

25:02.692 --> 25:14.020
[SPEAKER_00]: Like just just on a creative level, just the writing, the acting, if I do say so myself, the just the vibe, the way it was shot, the camera work, all of it.

25:14.972 --> 25:20.516
[SPEAKER_00]: in an art on some level, I do think is a reflection of culture or it's a reflection of us.

25:20.536 --> 25:22.418
[SPEAKER_00]: It's supposed to be holding up a mirror.

25:22.738 --> 25:24.479
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I think it did that very well.

25:24.519 --> 25:28.262
[SPEAKER_00]: It held up a mirror to an era, right?

25:28.322 --> 25:30.444
[SPEAKER_00]: So it was honest in that way.

25:31.545 --> 25:31.765
[SPEAKER_00]: It was

25:32.822 --> 25:35.665
[SPEAKER_00]: also an escape on some level.

25:35.705 --> 25:36.646
[SPEAKER_00]: It was a fantasy.

25:37.366 --> 25:48.096
[SPEAKER_00]: So it did that and it gave people an opportunity to get out of the the doldrums of reality and and fantasize about what would it be like to have everything and with no consequences.

25:48.986 --> 25:49.146
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

25:49.546 --> 25:49.786
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

25:49.806 --> 25:53.788
[SPEAKER_01]: We have every man has a fantasy and probably most women too.

25:53.888 --> 25:54.448
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm with you.

25:54.508 --> 25:55.429
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

25:55.449 --> 25:57.309
[SPEAKER_00]: So good in that.

25:57.870 --> 26:13.756
[SPEAKER_00]: And at the end of the day, it was about brotherhood and like the loyalty of these four guys who could survive Hollywood by always recognizing that they have each other and it if it all goes away, they can return home.

26:14.256 --> 26:18.560
[SPEAKER_00]: and be grounded in where they come from, you know, Queens.

26:18.600 --> 26:20.382
[SPEAKER_00]: They can all be always go back to Queens.

26:22.004 --> 26:35.897
[SPEAKER_00]: So, and I actually built events to be on some level that guru who was in different non-chalant detached.

26:36.735 --> 26:40.377
[SPEAKER_00]: from the things.

26:42.138 --> 26:45.560
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not a pure cautionary tale.

26:45.820 --> 26:52.043
[SPEAKER_00]: There are a lot of things that I think are valuable in terms of loyalty.

26:52.423 --> 27:02.669
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you to answer your question, loyalty isn't enough, I think, for a mature brotherhood.

27:02.849 --> 27:04.110
[SPEAKER_00]: Because what do you loyal to?

27:04.210 --> 27:06.011
[SPEAKER_00]: When you see bad behavior, when you see

27:07.117 --> 27:29.798
[SPEAKER_00]: your buddies doing something that is destructive or unhealthy or, you know, misogynistic, you might want to call them out on it and protect them from making those mistakes and also protect others from the worst part of their masculinity.

27:31.479 --> 27:39.724
[SPEAKER_00]: It definitely wasn't that, you know, as the prior, but there was still aspects that are were admirable to this brotherhood.

27:40.305 --> 27:44.147
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I really appreciate that reflection on the show.

27:44.167 --> 27:47.309
[SPEAKER_01]: I never did watch on a garage.

27:47.469 --> 27:48.670
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure that with you.

27:49.590 --> 27:52.832
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I and I tend to be a little myself.

27:52.852 --> 27:56.174
[SPEAKER_01]: This won't come as a surprise to you, Adrian, but I can be a little judgy.

27:56.194 --> 27:57.955
[SPEAKER_01]: I could be a little righteous.

27:58.015 --> 27:58.416
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you think?

28:01.298 --> 28:02.625
[SPEAKER_01]: You know.

28:02.786 --> 28:03.108
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.

28:04.765 --> 28:05.445
[SPEAKER_00]: You're smart man.

28:05.485 --> 28:06.446
[SPEAKER_00]: It's hard not to be.

28:06.666 --> 28:16.830
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I try to see it through the lens of discernment, but I know sometimes my, you know, I can get my wrinkles up, but but I really appreciate that that's because that's one thing about I think.

28:18.530 --> 28:31.055
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, for me, brotherhood as has has, has giving me, given me something a thoughtful, trustable brotherhood that I'm hearing you say even existed in, in the way the, the boys on entourage.

28:33.082 --> 28:34.888
[SPEAKER_01]: a gift they gave each other was belonging.

28:36.072 --> 28:39.623
[SPEAKER_01]: No matter what happens, I belong here.

28:41.277 --> 29:03.211
[SPEAKER_01]: That in a world where we are, you know, to quote one of my beloved teachers for instance, well, in a world where we are exiled from parts of ourselves, where we live in exile all our lives, like belonging to have that in a community of men, man, I didn't know what I was missing before that.

29:04.071 --> 29:04.491
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think,

29:05.512 --> 29:15.698
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, something that I'd be curious to know about with you, Adrian, because you and I, we, we, we have our, we don't agree on everything.

29:16.258 --> 29:16.879
[SPEAKER_01]: We tango.

29:17.239 --> 29:17.839
[SPEAKER_01]: We tango.

29:20.581 --> 29:26.985
[SPEAKER_01]: And, and I think that's a strength that that we have that we're not just all men who think the same.

29:27.605 --> 29:30.507
[SPEAKER_01]: And, and yet it can also be at times scary.

29:30.867 --> 29:31.708
[SPEAKER_01]: It can be at times

29:33.147 --> 29:34.748
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it can be, it can bring up fear.

29:34.808 --> 29:37.790
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, oh my God, he doesn't see the world the way I see it.

29:37.850 --> 29:40.231
[SPEAKER_01]: What does that mean, et cetera, et cetera.

29:40.951 --> 29:48.455
[SPEAKER_01]: And one thing that I really appreciate about this, this community of men we've cultivated is is, you know, that we're loyalty.

29:48.495 --> 29:55.939
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know about, but commitment to each other's hearts, I guess, is it maybe a poetic way of putting it.

29:55.979 --> 29:59.942
[SPEAKER_01]: But I guess what I want to ask you, how do you navigate these,

30:01.381 --> 30:12.605
[SPEAKER_01]: ideological differences between us in ways that don't spoil our fun or the love that we have for each other, the respect.

30:12.945 --> 30:14.426
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you personally navigate that?

30:15.086 --> 30:25.150
[SPEAKER_00]: One thing I've had to do is really tease apart my concepts, my ideas of

30:26.141 --> 30:32.344
[SPEAKER_00]: Good and bad, what's good, what's bad, what's truth, what's not, what's loyalty, these things.

30:32.964 --> 30:37.206
[SPEAKER_00]: And I really do believe that these aren't static states.

30:38.207 --> 30:45.090
[SPEAKER_00]: The words may feel absolute, but they're really a vector, right?

30:45.130 --> 30:49.853
[SPEAKER_00]: They're like a, you know, a direction and a momentum.

30:50.433 --> 30:54.495
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you, are you going towards that?

30:55.372 --> 31:16.305
[SPEAKER_00]: idea or are you deviating as opposed to it being that thing so loyalty like I and that and that really mess with me because you know I mean I just got married and there's like I could never understand the idea for ever I'm going to be with you forever and I realize you know like your book

31:17.050 --> 31:20.131
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, choose her every day or leave her.

31:20.471 --> 31:20.671
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

31:20.931 --> 31:27.613
[SPEAKER_00]: That to me is like, oh, breath of fresh air, because it reflects the truth that I've come to understand that I don't have to.

31:28.473 --> 31:32.294
[SPEAKER_00]: When I thought of commitment, it would, I made me feel trapped.

31:32.514 --> 31:32.834
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

31:32.854 --> 31:33.054
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

31:33.594 --> 31:34.054
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm stuck.

31:34.214 --> 31:36.815
[SPEAKER_00]: And also, how can I ever deliver on that?

31:37.175 --> 31:38.115
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know the future.

31:38.875 --> 31:40.996
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what, you know, I don't know that.

31:41.016 --> 31:42.316
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.

31:42.336 --> 31:43.016
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, every got it.

31:43.056 --> 31:44.357
[SPEAKER_00]: But what I can do is be,

31:46.128 --> 31:53.311
[SPEAKER_00]: you know oriented towards that right and in this moment like bring all of me to that truth.

31:53.732 --> 31:53.912
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

31:53.932 --> 31:54.852
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.

31:55.032 --> 32:00.094
[SPEAKER_00]: I can I'm with you absolutely forever in this moment.

32:00.355 --> 32:00.555
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

32:00.715 --> 32:01.635
[SPEAKER_00]: And then here's another one.

32:01.815 --> 32:04.196
[SPEAKER_00]: I can make that commitment yet again yet again.

32:04.616 --> 32:05.357
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not every day.

32:05.397 --> 32:06.257
[SPEAKER_00]: It's every moment.

32:06.377 --> 32:07.158
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.

32:07.278 --> 32:07.598
[SPEAKER_00]: And so

32:08.336 --> 32:19.259
[SPEAKER_00]: That may sound like a cop out to some people, but I do believe it leaves space for expansion into life, right?

32:19.279 --> 32:24.421
[SPEAKER_00]: And we can't, we are, at the end of the day, we're mortal, we don't know the future.

32:26.461 --> 32:30.803
[SPEAKER_00]: We're all going to give up on all of our commitments someday when the inevitable happens.

32:31.843 --> 32:34.224
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, all your bills are going to not be paid.

32:34.745 --> 32:35.205
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.

32:35.285 --> 32:41.389
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm going to, I'm going to break a promise and they have made because just because I'm just dead, I can't deliver on it.

32:41.989 --> 32:42.669
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.

32:42.789 --> 32:50.414
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, but what it does do is it frees you up to be hundred percent in or committed in that moment.

32:50.474 --> 32:59.239
[SPEAKER_00]: And then so when you talk about, you know, like, how do I navigate the tensions or the disconnect that we may experience at times?

32:59.599 --> 33:01.020
[SPEAKER_00]: I guess there's a part of me that just

33:01.740 --> 33:24.173
[SPEAKER_00]: believes in the direction and the momentum of our love, like you said, like our hearts and what we're doing as men and that and it's part of part of it is to push up against who we are, who we think we are so that we can test test, you know, AB tested with each other so that when we go out in the world,

33:25.277 --> 33:34.162
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, we have some confidence that, you know, we're not just, we're tested.

33:34.402 --> 33:34.562
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

33:37.467 --> 33:44.632
[SPEAKER_01]: I think, yeah, you're pointing at the idea that I believe in, which is life lived well as a paradox.

33:45.833 --> 33:54.480
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, I am all in forever on my wife and all this shit could end tomorrow at the same time.

33:54.940 --> 33:57.342
[SPEAKER_01]: Through all kinds of different scenarios, right?

33:58.403 --> 33:58.803
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think,

34:00.084 --> 34:09.271
[SPEAKER_01]: I think one of the great gifts of doing brotherhood in this way is, look, we men, we have to push up against each other.

34:09.511 --> 34:10.111
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to.

34:10.212 --> 34:15.716
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, my father-in-law is here at our house, and he's been surrounded by women his whole life.

34:16.576 --> 34:20.139
[SPEAKER_01]: Ever since he left Syria, I don't know, forty years ago, thirty, some years ago.

34:21.019 --> 34:26.904
[SPEAKER_01]: And he's got two daughters in a wife and like I'm the only guy like really in his life in the last decade.

34:27.985 --> 34:29.566
[SPEAKER_01]: And he's I love him.

34:29.807 --> 34:31.188
[SPEAKER_01]: He's very argumentative.

34:31.648 --> 34:36.072
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, he really wants to debate everything and his the women around him hate it.

34:37.933 --> 34:39.774
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm like, oh, yeah, you want to debate?

34:39.814 --> 34:40.694
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go motherfucker.

34:41.014 --> 34:41.815
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm right here with you.

34:41.855 --> 34:42.395
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's do it.

34:43.435 --> 34:47.097
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we get the two, like, to me, it's in liveening in a way.

34:47.797 --> 34:47.977
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

34:48.457 --> 34:48.717
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

34:49.778 --> 34:50.358
[SPEAKER_00]: I enjoy it.

34:50.658 --> 34:51.218
[SPEAKER_00]: I really do.

34:52.079 --> 34:54.620
[SPEAKER_00]: It's sharpens the brain, you know.

34:55.240 --> 35:01.483
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think, you know, it would be fun is for us to just debate the opposite, right?

35:02.243 --> 35:02.383
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

35:02.403 --> 35:04.584
[SPEAKER_00]: Just like, it would be amy dexterous.

35:05.124 --> 35:05.784
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

35:06.345 --> 35:06.525
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

35:08.006 --> 35:08.887
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll see you, man.

35:08.927 --> 35:09.327
[SPEAKER_00]: Each other.

35:09.347 --> 35:10.849
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm in for it.

35:11.049 --> 35:11.630
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm in for it.

35:11.670 --> 35:11.910
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.

35:12.070 --> 35:12.490
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, man.

35:12.510 --> 35:13.531
[SPEAKER_01]: I got to take some deep breaths.

35:13.832 --> 35:15.153
[SPEAKER_01]: Some of the places we have to go with that.

35:15.193 --> 35:16.794
[SPEAKER_01]: It's good.

35:16.814 --> 35:21.699
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't understand as I love the bait so much that I used to debate.

35:22.179 --> 35:23.701
[SPEAKER_00]: I used to be on your side.

35:25.720 --> 35:28.661
[SPEAKER_00]: I used to go to Thanksgiving.

35:28.681 --> 35:36.024
[SPEAKER_00]: This is when I was like deep blue, you know, coastal liberally.

35:36.224 --> 35:41.246
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, you don't have my game when I listen to NPR and I knew more than everybody else.

35:43.027 --> 35:44.147
[SPEAKER_00]: I used to go to our

35:46.457 --> 36:06.231
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, so we had a Thanksgiving like a family Thanksgiving and my cousin's father was there and that's like one of the one only time I'd see him all year and he was more rightly need and I used to salvate it's like Days before Thanksgiving used to salvate for for turkey and debate and

36:09.196 --> 36:10.176
[SPEAKER_00]: I was incensed.

36:10.496 --> 36:25.682
[SPEAKER_00]: I was, I couldn't believe that he could think the way he thought, you know, what a, you know, I can just rule an uncompassionate person to think the way he thought because all the suffering, whatever, the environment.

36:29.628 --> 36:35.334
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was debating what I was debating, you know, and that's why I say, like, Brian, like, I understand you.

36:35.434 --> 36:36.175
[SPEAKER_00]: I get you.

36:36.195 --> 36:39.358
[SPEAKER_00]: It just happened to not know the fuck you're talking about now.

36:43.038 --> 36:44.118
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm skeptical.

36:44.358 --> 36:58.807
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm skeptical that you look here's one thing that I will own and acknowledge is that I wasn't allowed to debate to disagree with the the the elder men in my life growing up wasn't allowed to in with

36:59.988 --> 37:03.391
[SPEAKER_01]: with my stepfather, it essentially meant I was disrespecting him.

37:04.112 --> 37:07.475
[SPEAKER_01]: And the result was just intense anger.

37:08.356 --> 37:10.578
[SPEAKER_01]: With my father, there was just no space to it.

37:10.798 --> 37:20.186
[SPEAKER_01]: Even to this day, you know, I'm essentially estranged from my father because he still, there's still no place for me to have my own opinion, to have my own view, to have my own.

37:20.226 --> 37:24.430
[SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, it can be challenging for me to debate.

37:24.490 --> 37:24.710
[SPEAKER_01]: I think

37:24.750 --> 37:31.653
[SPEAKER_01]: because they're still those old wounds in me that are like, that are quick to, you know, I'm not going to be bullied anymore.

37:31.733 --> 37:32.794
[SPEAKER_01]: I won't be shut down anymore.

37:32.854 --> 37:33.674
[SPEAKER_01]: I won't stand for it.

37:33.914 --> 37:44.980
[SPEAKER_01]: But I sometimes, you know, I have to kind of get through my initial, you know, back to fuck off motherfucker, kind of reaction to in order to actually enter, I think, meaningful debate.

37:45.000 --> 37:49.422
[SPEAKER_00]: See, that's so funny, because I'm not, that's not within my personality, really, too.

37:52.678 --> 37:57.707
[SPEAKER_00]: To like make it, I'll argue and all, and we're like a nymph will come around.

37:57.968 --> 38:04.700
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll have our own techniques of confrontation and mine's more.

38:05.681 --> 38:07.983
[SPEAKER_00]: passive in a way, but you come up.

38:08.043 --> 38:19.510
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I come up with like, yeah, just like an immediate, you and a couple of the other guys and sometimes when you guys go head to head, you stand up and like, yeah, I'm like, whoa, I would never.

38:19.530 --> 38:23.173
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

38:24.477 --> 38:30.079
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, but it's, and again, that's why I want to just own that.

38:30.099 --> 38:47.066
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's one of the beautiful things that can come through when we're gathered with men that all, where we're creating a safe, trustable space, not where we're all going to think the same necessarily, but where we get to bring our shadows to bring our messiness to be messy, to be

38:49.699 --> 38:53.042
[SPEAKER_01]: But in the commitment of like, no, man, I'm all in on you.

38:53.642 --> 38:55.344
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm all in on this, right?

38:55.704 --> 38:58.707
[SPEAKER_01]: That safety and belonging does wonders.

38:58.767 --> 38:58.927
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

38:59.527 --> 39:00.869
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's so important.

39:00.909 --> 39:13.800
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just a philosophical thing to not get so absolutely seduced by the illusion of life, the truth as it's presented or as it's been conditioned by society or school or

39:14.585 --> 39:15.506
[SPEAKER_00]: the book you read.

39:15.526 --> 39:18.348
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you read a book and now you think, you know, everything, right?

39:18.808 --> 39:25.232
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, we sometimes our egos make us want to just latch on to an idea.

39:25.252 --> 39:26.873
[SPEAKER_00]: It's comforting.

39:26.953 --> 39:27.934
[SPEAKER_00]: It gives a certainty.

39:29.095 --> 39:38.000
[SPEAKER_00]: But really, you know, we are in a post truth reality because there never was a, you know, a singular truth.

39:38.040 --> 39:39.441
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to come together to

39:41.721 --> 39:42.521
[SPEAKER_00]: to decide it.

39:42.922 --> 39:53.610
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to decide what was important to us as a community, as a people, what our values are, what we're going to put our energy towards building and creating and manifesting.

39:54.271 --> 40:05.179
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I think it's important for us to have a safe space to deliberate all of this, to battle it out before we present it to the world.

40:05.220 --> 40:06.801
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's something that I've been craving

40:07.538 --> 40:25.561
[SPEAKER_00]: from us is can we come to some consensus that we can you know that we can then apply out in the world and that's the hard part is because we sometimes get lost in the in the weeds.

40:25.821 --> 40:35.703
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah in the details the minutia the yeah I know who's right not not not none of us are right and I will can see that right and there's none of us that is right.

40:36.372 --> 40:38.114
[SPEAKER_00]: Some of us might be a little more right than others.

40:38.894 --> 40:39.575
[SPEAKER_00]: Potentially.

40:42.757 --> 40:43.238
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, man.

40:43.518 --> 40:45.059
[SPEAKER_01]: Cheers.

40:45.139 --> 40:46.340
[SPEAKER_01]: I think on the left wrong.

40:46.360 --> 40:50.444
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, that's an interesting way to say more right.

40:50.704 --> 40:51.064
[SPEAKER_01]: Got it.

40:51.765 --> 40:52.085
[SPEAKER_01]: Clever.

40:52.105 --> 40:55.969
[SPEAKER_01]: Adrian, what do you think men are missing out on?

40:56.689 --> 41:03.335
[SPEAKER_01]: Who don't have a solid, trustable, consistent, committed brotherhood?

41:03.735 --> 41:07.696
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, you said it a sense of place and belonging.

41:07.716 --> 41:22.920
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we also talked about a dojo for the spar and to cultivate skills and become capable men to to go achieve and do things that are of meaning.

41:23.811 --> 41:36.596
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, men that will call you out and call you forward, ask you to ask for more of you, not you when you're playing too small, or you're in a called a soccer and Eddie, you know, they come on.

41:37.036 --> 41:38.196
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's, let's go.

41:38.216 --> 41:44.438
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, feel like there's something that's more, um, fundamental.

41:44.778 --> 41:45.919
[SPEAKER_00]: We're alive, right?

41:45.979 --> 41:48.980
[SPEAKER_00]: It's scary and we're alone and it's, you know,

41:49.828 --> 41:51.250
[SPEAKER_00]: camaraderie, it's companionship.

41:51.370 --> 41:55.095
[SPEAKER_00]: It's, um, but there's like to be held.

41:55.475 --> 42:00.943
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, this this past week, my wife had surgery pretty intense surgery.

42:03.305 --> 42:13.009
[SPEAKER_01]: And just being witnessed by a human in that, you know, I mean, it's my body the last four or five days has been kind of frozen.

42:13.189 --> 42:20.892
[SPEAKER_01]: Just seeing my wife in so much pain, I feel it viscerally, you know, and like it's, it's, it's all so hard for me to bear.

42:20.912 --> 42:26.475
[SPEAKER_01]: And knowing that you men are there just going, I see you.

42:28.235 --> 42:28.796
[SPEAKER_01]: We got you.

42:28.836 --> 42:30.597
[SPEAKER_01]: We love you praying for you.

42:31.457 --> 42:32.257
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you need?

42:32.738 --> 42:38.621
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, even even if I don't necessarily need anything, the fact that I've got men saying, what do you need?

42:38.821 --> 42:40.361
[SPEAKER_01]: Kind of bring you think, bye, can I?

42:40.902 --> 42:42.923
[SPEAKER_01]: How's your wife to you want us to come?

42:43.103 --> 42:43.603
[SPEAKER_01]: Whatever.

42:43.623 --> 42:45.944
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, that like being held.

42:46.805 --> 42:47.305
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

42:47.405 --> 42:51.247
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're being held physically, you're being witnessed.

42:52.185 --> 43:11.470
[SPEAKER_00]: physically, you know, you've been acknowledged, you feel where you are in space and you feel that you're, you know, with another, you know, floating through time, like the, the greater a bit and even just like you said, being witnessed, being able to open up and share

43:12.230 --> 43:21.036
[SPEAKER_00]: feels like because a lot of things we can work out ourselves if we're just given that acknowledgement, that encouragement.

43:21.056 --> 43:21.137
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

43:21.997 --> 43:25.660
[SPEAKER_00]: And you have to spin your wheels and it is so, so important.

43:25.700 --> 43:26.320
[SPEAKER_00]: So precious.

43:26.400 --> 43:28.462
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if nothing is said or nothing is done.

43:29.067 --> 43:48.935
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think one of the things that I hear from men so commonly when they come into some of the programs that I run for men is one of the first things out of their mouth is when they start to see what's going on is wow, it feels so such, it's such a relief to know I'm not alone in what I'm going through.

43:50.056 --> 43:52.977
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and you, you're gonna relate.

43:53.237 --> 43:55.618
[SPEAKER_00]: We're all gonna relate to each other on some level.

43:55.638 --> 43:57.519
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I feel so connected to

43:58.563 --> 44:06.685
[SPEAKER_00]: you in certain ways and all the other guys in other ways and it's not just conflict but it's we are all alike.

44:07.906 --> 44:15.488
[SPEAKER_00]: We all have similar traumas or struggles or challenges so we can learn from from each other's experience or

44:16.208 --> 44:16.768
[SPEAKER_00]: or wisdom.

44:17.089 --> 44:24.894
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's not just intellectual or spiritual wisdom, it's, you know, you men are so loving.

44:25.315 --> 44:29.157
[SPEAKER_00]: Such open hearts, like heart, center like truly.

44:29.177 --> 44:39.705
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is something that I strive to be better at, is to be able to witness with an open heart and articulate

44:40.370 --> 44:44.412
[SPEAKER_00]: with love, you know, that how you are seeing that other person.

44:44.753 --> 44:51.616
[SPEAKER_00]: That's one thing I struggle with, you know, that it's just it actually makes me uncomfortable also.

44:53.480 --> 45:00.924
[SPEAKER_00]: When other people say, I see you with love, and whatever words or you know, feeling blanks, I see you with love.

45:01.004 --> 45:04.386
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, I don't know how to receive that.

45:04.786 --> 45:07.428
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know how to necessarily give it back.

45:08.528 --> 45:14.612
[SPEAKER_00]: And I, you know, maybe there's a part of me in the masculine lineage that didn't learn that.

45:15.272 --> 45:15.512
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

45:15.752 --> 45:16.973
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm that something I'm learning.

45:17.253 --> 45:17.513
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

45:17.873 --> 45:20.434
[SPEAKER_01]: Look, I have great compassion for men.

45:21.675 --> 45:23.456
[SPEAKER_01]: In the relationship work I do with men.

45:23.536 --> 45:26.457
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm often helping to reassure them.

45:26.497 --> 45:38.062
[SPEAKER_01]: I look, our ancestors didn't program us to be comforting to be, you know, it wasn't passed down through the ages, comforting emotionally supportive men, emotionally connected men.

45:38.082 --> 45:41.884
[SPEAKER_01]: I have great compassion for us.

45:41.944 --> 45:42.584
[SPEAKER_01]: I think we're, we're

45:43.885 --> 45:46.186
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're breaking old paradigms.

45:46.266 --> 45:51.248
[SPEAKER_01]: We're breaking patterns of our forefathers that just don't serve in the modern world so much.

45:51.308 --> 45:53.169
[SPEAKER_01]: And not in the relationships.

45:53.189 --> 45:54.470
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you've been married.

45:54.510 --> 45:55.630
[SPEAKER_01]: How long have you been with Jordan now?

45:56.530 --> 46:01.433
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, we've been on a ten year journey with a two year break and we've been married for.

46:04.034 --> 46:05.574
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, man.

46:06.355 --> 46:07.695
[SPEAKER_00]: We've been coming here.

46:07.775 --> 46:08.796
[SPEAKER_00]: I've been married a couple years.

46:09.416 --> 46:10.156
[SPEAKER_00]: We've been married.

46:10.176 --> 46:11.557
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, my heart forever.

46:12.147 --> 46:12.928
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, good answer.

46:12.948 --> 46:15.610
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, I think we've been married just over a year.

46:16.171 --> 46:21.315
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm with my wife Sylvie, we're, we're, we're coming up on eight years now here, coming up on eight years.

46:21.396 --> 46:37.650
[SPEAKER_01]: And I mean, man, my relationship would be worse off, no doubt if I didn't have men like you in my life that I can have these conversations with regularly that I can

46:38.840 --> 46:42.242
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, bear my heart too and know that I'm not going to be judged.

46:42.302 --> 46:58.312
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to be fucked with or exploited or in some way, you know, dismissed or taken advantage of like I'm just going to be a received and seen and challenged in, in, in, I don't know, just I'll just say the right ways the ways that I really need to be challenged.

46:59.533 --> 47:00.633
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, yeah, that's the thing.

47:00.653 --> 47:07.858
[SPEAKER_00]: I've always wondered is, you know, I feel so lucky to be in a group of men that are so skilled.

47:08.943 --> 47:22.650
[SPEAKER_00]: that have so much experience and really are, you know, they're top of their game in brotherhood, whatever that is.

47:22.670 --> 47:33.995
[SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of times, you know, the talk about entrepreneurs, right, like there are groups of men that serve as that, you know, that brotherhood, but

47:35.191 --> 47:37.072
[SPEAKER_00]: often aren't, they don't have the skills.

47:37.872 --> 47:44.615
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, some of the worst advice that I've got are from my closest friends, you know, when I'm going through a breakup, what do you do?

47:44.635 --> 47:49.677
[SPEAKER_00]: The best way to get over someone is getting someone else or whatever, you know, it's stupid cliches.

47:50.097 --> 47:53.539
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, and that's how do you discern?

47:54.773 --> 48:02.658
[SPEAKER_00]: between who is a good brother or who is the brother that's going to best serve your higher purpose and who is just filling space.

48:04.019 --> 48:11.224
[SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like our group is very adept at all of that in the best ways.

48:12.285 --> 48:17.648
[SPEAKER_00]: But for those out there who want to create their own group, how do they do that?

48:18.749 --> 48:22.311
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, when there are so I guess the chance is a finding

48:23.867 --> 48:26.364
[SPEAKER_00]: Men that don't have those skills is pretty high.

48:27.170 --> 48:28.731
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm in this culture, so.

48:28.771 --> 48:35.455
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm just an idea on how to start to begin to build a group.

48:35.715 --> 48:37.817
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I mean, I would tell them I haven't been trying to answer.

48:37.837 --> 48:38.457
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

48:39.038 --> 48:39.898
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I would tell them.

48:39.978 --> 48:42.019
[SPEAKER_01]: First, contact me, reach out to me.

48:42.180 --> 48:50.925
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm one of the things that I do is help men step into brotherhood through different contexts, through doing relationship work with other men.

48:50.945 --> 48:52.546
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, intimate relationship work.

48:52.586 --> 48:52.966
[SPEAKER_01]: You got it.

48:53.006 --> 48:54.828
[SPEAKER_01]: You're struggling in intimate relationship.

48:56.008 --> 48:58.609
[SPEAKER_01]: I have a coaching group for men.

48:58.629 --> 48:59.869
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.

49:00.490 --> 49:00.930
[SPEAKER_00]: That's right.

49:01.430 --> 49:08.012
[SPEAKER_00]: And I forgot because you actually, you helped me when I was struggling with my relationship.

49:08.972 --> 49:12.713
[SPEAKER_00]: So, look, endorsement, call Brian.

49:13.894 --> 49:14.274
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.

49:14.314 --> 49:14.594
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.

49:15.114 --> 49:18.015
[SPEAKER_01]: And I mean, Brotherhood was a big wound of mine.

49:18.978 --> 49:20.659
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I didn't trust men.

49:20.679 --> 49:22.881
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't really even admire men.

49:23.281 --> 49:25.163
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, for many, many years, I was in the military.

49:25.183 --> 49:29.306
[SPEAKER_01]: I just, man, I just had felt so let down by men.

49:30.467 --> 49:40.014
[SPEAKER_01]: And coming into Brotherhood has been one of the most healing and profound experiences of my life that I intend to practice for the rest of my life.

49:40.314 --> 50:00.803
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I hope I do hope Adrian genuinely meant that that we have a that this little container of men of ours that we got this precious little Mason jar of of thirteen men that that we get to go through life together, you know, and that that feels profoundly comforting to me.

50:01.484 --> 50:03.125
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm grateful for you.

50:03.145 --> 50:03.605
[SPEAKER_01]: I want you to

50:05.191 --> 50:05.651
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that.

50:05.671 --> 50:07.291
[SPEAKER_01]: I probably some sure I've said that before.

50:07.392 --> 50:09.272
[SPEAKER_01]: Probably don't say it enough, but I just want you to know that man.

50:09.312 --> 50:12.513
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm truly grateful that you said yes to come in on this journey with us.

50:13.013 --> 50:13.893
[SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate it.

50:14.033 --> 50:15.333
[SPEAKER_00]: And of course, I feel the same.

50:15.373 --> 50:18.254
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, I love you.

50:18.794 --> 50:19.554
[SPEAKER_01]: I love you too, brother.

50:19.694 --> 50:20.054
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.

50:21.135 --> 50:22.735
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, we're coming up on time.

50:22.775 --> 50:24.215
[SPEAKER_01]: So I just want to wrap up with a few things.

50:24.275 --> 50:27.816
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, I wanted to dive into fatherhood with you a bit.

50:27.856 --> 50:29.337
[SPEAKER_01]: You've just had a baby boy.

50:31.792 --> 50:32.032
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

50:32.533 --> 50:32.853
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.

50:34.394 --> 50:36.996
[SPEAKER_01]: Just just quickly, I'm curious.

50:37.657 --> 50:43.682
[SPEAKER_01]: What's shifting for you now that you are stepping into fatherhood and particularly for a boy?

50:43.702 --> 50:46.945
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean.

50:48.988 --> 50:58.911
[SPEAKER_00]: I am so profoundly grateful to have gotten my ship together in time enough to become a father.

50:58.931 --> 51:05.773
[SPEAKER_00]: It was not sure whether that was going to happen for me for a long time.

51:06.393 --> 51:15.616
[SPEAKER_00]: And I just feel so lucky that I get to experience a witness life unfolding through another

51:16.878 --> 51:24.011
[SPEAKER_00]: Being that is is is genetically connected to that sort of clicks it off into place in your mind you're like oh

51:25.005 --> 51:32.289
[SPEAKER_00]: we are part of this ever evolving, growing, timeless experience which is life.

51:33.309 --> 51:54.260
[SPEAKER_00]: And when I was younger and I was truly mortal and afraid of dying and I wanted to live forever through ego and indulgence and conquering, I now realize that I am an infinite conversation, a timeless conversation,

51:55.420 --> 52:12.226
[SPEAKER_00]: through the children, our children, but not just biological children, but all the children that we get to take care of and be a model for and a role model for and to be in service too.

52:12.766 --> 52:20.649
[SPEAKER_00]: So the most humbling experience is right now in my life to be a father and to

52:22.850 --> 52:29.797
[SPEAKER_00]: be challenged so absolutely to be the best possible version of myself for his sake.

52:30.958 --> 52:46.774
[SPEAKER_00]: As much as I want to do the right thing from just a moral place, when I witness my son, I feel like a pull to just, I have to

52:47.928 --> 53:08.500
[SPEAKER_00]: not only do what I can to take care of him and support him, but I have to model things for him because he is reflecting me and modeling and witnessing and imitating me on a cellular level, on a behavioral level, a psycho-emotional level.

53:09.981 --> 53:11.602
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm texting on my phone level.

53:13.203 --> 53:17.005
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's the greatest call to action I've ever experienced.

53:17.360 --> 53:17.660
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

53:19.283 --> 53:29.817
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just touched by that because as you know, you know, I'm in the conversation about becoming a father myself and life has not made it an easy conversation.

53:30.773 --> 53:32.876
[SPEAKER_01]: life is really bringing me to the choice.

53:33.216 --> 53:35.538
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, or no, do you want it or don't you?

53:36.800 --> 53:38.081
[SPEAKER_01]: And, um, man.

53:39.262 --> 53:41.245
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I'm really a dream.

53:41.285 --> 53:46.210
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a rabbit hole that we're that we don't have time to go down right now.

53:46.330 --> 53:47.832
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd fatherhood, um,

53:51.815 --> 53:56.079
[SPEAKER_01]: because I'm so much, so much, so much, so much, so much, so much.

53:56.099 --> 53:56.719
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have to go.

53:56.779 --> 53:59.782
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want to, if you come to California for a couple more minutes.

54:00.562 --> 54:00.823
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

54:01.003 --> 54:02.424
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I'm here for it.

54:02.444 --> 54:03.785
[SPEAKER_00]: This is important.

54:04.166 --> 54:06.928
[SPEAKER_00]: And I feel, I feel your heart right now, man.

54:06.988 --> 54:11.231
[SPEAKER_00]: And I, you know, I've been waiting as to your, your journey.

54:11.352 --> 54:16.476
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know if there's anything you want to say, but I have something I'd like to say.

54:17.047 --> 54:18.509
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, please, please.

54:19.870 --> 54:20.951
[SPEAKER_00]: You already are a father.

54:21.893 --> 54:24.996
[SPEAKER_00]: You already, you already are a model.

54:26.298 --> 54:33.185
[SPEAKER_00]: And it is, and just a matter of choosing to, you know, give it direction.

54:33.205 --> 54:36.950
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, give it, give it inertia and direction.

54:38.063 --> 54:38.263
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

54:39.064 --> 54:58.122
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you going to do it within the context of your books and your mentorship or are you going to focus it and hone it, you know, like like the laser, you know, to an individual or a set of individuals or

55:00.483 --> 55:02.144
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not just a biological thing.

55:02.204 --> 55:08.987
[SPEAKER_00]: It's all the life coming into this world needs, needs that.

55:09.407 --> 55:14.010
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you do with intention and you do it with commitment in every moment, it is a choice.

55:15.610 --> 55:25.876
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you look at the external circumstances that seem to want to dictate whether or not you get to choose their arbitrary, they're not real, like you get to choose.

55:27.439 --> 55:42.351
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, just to turn to my listeners, this, you know, this is something that my wife and I are not really quite ready to publicly talk about openly, you know, what we're experiencing in terms of parenthood.

55:43.973 --> 55:48.816
[SPEAKER_01]: But being connected to men, like you Adrian, that you just had how old is Saco now?

55:48.877 --> 55:49.817
[SPEAKER_01]: Like four months?

55:49.837 --> 55:51.319
[SPEAKER_01]: Three and a half months.

55:51.839 --> 55:56.523
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, and the other men in our group that have children and I mean,

55:59.235 --> 56:04.641
[SPEAKER_01]: It often does feel like there's a, there's a blueprint inside me that lays dormant as a man.

56:04.681 --> 56:06.944
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, there's just a, there's just a blueprint.

56:06.964 --> 56:18.677
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a, there's a part of, of my being that remains unconstructed, you know, dark dormant that, that, that, fathering parenting, it's shiled.

56:21.640 --> 56:23.781
[SPEAKER_01]: could only turn on, could only bring to light.

56:24.001 --> 56:28.342
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if that's true, but I just have that intuitive sense.

56:29.182 --> 56:42.305
[SPEAKER_01]: And one of the things I've noticed that has shifted for you, and I don't know that fatherhood necessarily did this, but I have noticed Adrian that you've turned down acting roles so that you can stay home.

56:43.525 --> 56:46.205
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't really even see you struggle with that decision.

56:46.245 --> 56:47.846
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe you do on some level and some

56:49.178 --> 57:06.033
[SPEAKER_01]: But, I mean, there's a profound commitment that is settled in you to create home, community and it's a beautiful thing to witness.

57:06.574 --> 57:15.522
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I did realize that one way to heal that little boy and me that didn't have my father that

57:16.209 --> 57:24.033
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, didn't have that role model is is to be that for my son to to heal that through him.

57:24.953 --> 57:28.595
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and so yeah, I'm I'm not going anywhere.

57:29.256 --> 57:29.756
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, just

57:30.461 --> 57:32.923
[SPEAKER_00]: At the very least, I've healed the abandonment wound.

57:33.243 --> 57:34.524
[SPEAKER_03]: Uh-huh.

57:35.165 --> 57:35.385
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

57:38.007 --> 57:42.270
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, well, Adrian, thank you for this conversation in this way.

57:42.771 --> 57:57.623
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, I'm, I'm, I feel so just privileged and grateful that I get to, I get to just talk with you and all kinds of ways over, over time and with the other men that we have and the retreats that we go on together and, you know, we're,

57:58.577 --> 58:06.563
[SPEAKER_01]: In a ruggedly individual world, this is the closest I've come to doing life with other men over time.

58:07.543 --> 58:08.724
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm profoundly grateful for it.

58:09.125 --> 58:11.967
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I love you, brother, and thank you for having me.

58:14.177 --> 58:16.458
[SPEAKER_00]: See, see you in person.

58:17.239 --> 58:17.859
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, this week.

58:18.180 --> 58:18.660
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, man.

58:18.820 --> 58:20.381
[SPEAKER_01]: A little Barton Springs swim.

58:20.441 --> 58:20.981
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

58:21.161 --> 58:22.682
[SPEAKER_01]: I need that.

58:22.722 --> 58:24.603
[SPEAKER_01]: My body would have what I've been going through this week.

58:24.644 --> 58:25.044
[SPEAKER_01]: I need it.

58:25.084 --> 58:29.226
[SPEAKER_01]: My body is like tight and frozen and a good swim in natural waters.

58:29.326 --> 58:31.568
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, you could come to mind for a nice bath.

58:32.348 --> 58:32.989
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm down for that.

58:33.369 --> 58:34.790
[SPEAKER_01]: Also, I got a nice bath myself.

58:35.870 --> 58:37.191
[SPEAKER_01]: I do have a bottle.

58:38.532 --> 58:39.172
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.

58:39.473 --> 58:39.793
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

58:39.813 --> 58:39.933
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

58:41.667 --> 58:42.350
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, Adrian.

58:42.370 --> 58:43.836
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, brother.