Full Range Masculinity (When Men Come Alive)

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[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to Bridging Connections, formerly known as men this way.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host Brian with the Y-Reaves, former U.S.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Air Force Captain turned author and professional coach to men, women, and couples.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Alongside me as co-host, my lifelong friend of over forty years, T.Eard.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Here we have the raw, real conversations we need to be having about the topics that matter most, relationships, purpose, health, spirituality, and more.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Please subscribe to stay connected.

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[SPEAKER_01]: All right, let's dive.

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[SPEAKER_01]: What's up, Tate?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What's up, Brian?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What's up, man?

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[SPEAKER_00]: It was like yesterday and a lifetime ago that we were together and it was just four days ago.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I know, it was just, is that it four days?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was in Charlotte with you and now I'm back in LA.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, man.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I know.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's crazy.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's crazy how a retreat, a deep diver tree, like what we just did, it's like, it's like, what's the word moving forward?

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like time travel.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like it works a time.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Totally.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It really works time.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, welcome back listeners to this special episode of Bridging Connections podcast where

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[SPEAKER_01]: our last episode, take an eye, we're getting ready to go to our annual Elevate Men's Retreats, the Elevate twenty twenty five retreat.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And we shared a few reflections there and now we're on the other side.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And we'll take how you feel them and how, how, how was your come down been hard.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, man.

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[SPEAKER_00]: This is the, you know, obviously the fifth year that we've done this.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And this time just feels different.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Every retreat is epic, but I think that what's we make small tweaks at this stage that seem to have a profound impact.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And every retreat is a co-creation, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: We create the container and we've got some really incredible rides to take men on.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But this felt really unique in how all the creative elements that got put into the experience with the other men.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I just feel great.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I feel really good.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, the hardest part for me, honestly, after a retreat is, and I've experienced it multiple times is, I mean, there's the

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[SPEAKER_01]: reintegrating back into to life that has its challenges and but but the hardest part is when people ask me how was it because how do you describe the fucking magic and the the the the the roller coaster ride the the journey that

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, these ten men who come up to the mountain to do this with us, including our assistance, you know, the fourteen of us.

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[SPEAKER_01]: How do you describe, how do you put that into words?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a freaking writer.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't have the words to convey how profound and just deeply, deeply healing and nourishing and in liveening.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's like trying to describe one of the sweetest, fullest.

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[SPEAKER_00]: tastiest bites of your life.

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[SPEAKER_00]: How do you put it in a words?

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[SPEAKER_00]: I remember my son asking me once, like, how do you describe the taste of cinnamon?

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[SPEAKER_00]: That's a great question.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, it you have to taste cinnamon in order for that to be able to be experienced, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's like,

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I know.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I know, man.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's, uh, I feel, I feel reinvigorated.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I feel, I feel inspired.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We, as we're meeting with the men this morning and our poster treats reflection session.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Man, the way these men just showed up.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I, even as the facilitator, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that's what's so beautiful.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think about our work, our, is, is we also, we get to be moved and transformed and, and, I mean, these men just showed up so big.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So big.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I, I felt like there was a real serendipity also from this experience.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, one of the,

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[SPEAKER_00]: One of the promises that we make, you know, we'll flesh this out, but one of the promises that we make to all the men who join us on this year long journey, one of the three promises that we make is that by the end of this experience, you're gonna be fully in live end.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And this is one of those moments in the retreat where men do become fully in live end.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And the serendipity for me on the other side is I had lunch with a dear friend on Monday.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And she was sharing with me based upon just some things that we're sharing about about the previous week.

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[SPEAKER_00]: She asked me if I had ever read this book by a guy named William Pollock called Real Boys.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I hadn't, and very interesting, I think he's a Stanford, sorry, Harvard-based researcher, he's done a lot of research.

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[SPEAKER_00]: He was a book that came out in the late nineties.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We should definitely try to reach out to him, see if he'll come on this podcast.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But one of the things that he talked about was that a lot of research has been done on boys, on even baby boys.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And one of the pieces of research that he was referencing is that baby boys,

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[SPEAKER_00]: have a tendency to be more emotionally expressive than baby girls are.

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[SPEAKER_00]: They startle easier, they have a tendency to have bigger emotions.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Now, this is a big research and is it true?

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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, but one of the things that he talked about is that even early on,

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[SPEAKER_00]: Baby boys, there are messages that they can get from their mothers and their fathers around about not being as emotionally expressive.

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[SPEAKER_00]: That maybe when girls are crying, you can feel sad with them.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But when boys cry, you have a tendency to put on a happy face.

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[SPEAKER_00]: As I was reading this book, I was reflecting on the ways in which I do that with my son.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes he was still like, he has a sad emotion and I want to make him laugh.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, so he goes on to say like the thread line, I'm not allowing boys to feel, then they turn into boys that are wearing masks and elementary schools, pretending like they don't have the emotions, growing up to become teenagers, then aren't allowed to feel their fullness of their emotions, becoming the dads, adults.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And the through line there was really fascinating because he mentions that there are two feelings that boys

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[SPEAKER_00]: grow into men that have two primary emotions when as children, they weren't allowed to have the full expression of who they were as boys.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I knew the first one, which is anger.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: That's all, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like we're allowed to have anger.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We're allowed to be angry.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We're allowed to have outrage.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, and even then.

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[SPEAKER_01]: it's very shamed for it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like it's the one emotion that we we go to because we can feel powerful in it, but it's even that has it's has it's sort of social shame around it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So anger is the first one.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then the other one as soon as he said it smack me in the face and I knew it was right.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And the second emotion is apathy.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: right to be apathetic.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And it reminds me of the stories that we tell that for many men, many men who join us are men, for on this year along journey, are men that are not fully feeling the fullness of the lives that they've created.

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[SPEAKER_00]: They're on the hamster will of their life.

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[SPEAKER_00]: They've got the house, the kids, the boat, the car, all the things that they thought that they wanted to needed and yet they don't feel the fullness of their life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And on top of that, I'm thinking of some of the men.

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[SPEAKER_01]: that are on this journey with us now, it's like they've, like to your point.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They've created full lives.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, the men that we work with, they tend to be entrepreneurs or business owners or professionals and some leaders in their professions.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And they've often have the homes and the kids, like all the things, full lives.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And yet the burden of responsibility and this belief that they have to keep it all together and navigate it all by themselves.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Again, the way to that, you just see the apathy, the apathetic like, oh, men that are not in live and, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, it makes sense.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: We see a lot of that also exploding between apathy and when I can't take it, when I would enough enough enough, I'm tired of the burden, explosions into anger.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Totally.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And so, again, the serendipity of knowing that many men are carrying anger and apathy

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[SPEAKER_00]: longing for the full expression of all the emotions that there are to live big lives and the hope and the excitement and the passion and the grief and the joy and the fullness of that and what what I'm so lit up about is that we now like for five years in a row.

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[SPEAKER_00]: The promise of helping men become fully in life and

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[SPEAKER_00]: like we deliver on that and watching these guys talk about what it, what it not only felt like for them, but the way that they're already starting to get feedback from the people that are in their life about like, you've, you've changed.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like there's something different about you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like your face looks different.

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[SPEAKER_00]: One of the guys, your face looks different.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I know.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And to have that, like it just goes to show that

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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, some changes happen slowly, but some happen quickly when when men are allowed to be immersed.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We talked about this in the last podcast, when when you can set aside your duty, you can set aside your responsibilities for for an in-depth experience over five days that literally in five days magic starts to happen.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think I think

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[SPEAKER_01]: especially when men gathering together, we can have conversations, we can laugh, we can challenge each other in ways that we cannot do when women are around.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You just can't.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We just can't.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And also, though, and I use this language a lot, trustable men.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right, because we all, we've all been in gatherings with other men where we don't feel safe to let down our masks, to be vulnerable, to be real.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And like personally, I don't know.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We might not even, we might not even admit that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We might not even admit, oh, I don't trust guys, but of course, being guarded around them.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Not fully revealing what's going on for you, like you might not say, oh, I trust men or I don't trust them, but, but do you really?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Do you really open up to them?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Do you really let them know what you're struggling with, what you're dealing with?

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[SPEAKER_00]: One of the guys, obviously we keep confidentiality really clear, is good friends became really good friends with a guy who went through L of A, twenty four and two incredibly successful, only a hundred people in the world do what they do and talking about like

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[SPEAKER_00]: That moment where he's like, oh, how are you doing?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, great.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Fine.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then he got asked, how are you doing?

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[SPEAKER_00]: He's like, I'm fucked up, man.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I'm, I am, I am having a hard time.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Things are falling apart for man.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You wouldn't know it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And so like those moments, so like to know whether or not you really trust men, are you having real conversations with them, or are you talking about sports and their fantasy teams and how much money you're making and what's happening at work, but to really talk about what's happening in your life, what's happening with your kids, what you're struggling with, what you don't know how to navigate.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And so when you can finally get into a group of men where you're having the realist of real conversations,

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[SPEAKER_00]: Then you know that you're on the pathway to becoming fully alive.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're holding back, you're in that world of anger and apathy, and you're not really going to broach those topics that are so necessary for us to broach in order for us to come to life more fully.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And it's, I mean, that's what we're really pointing at, what we get to see at the retreat, at this elevate retreat, is men coming alive inside of that, the container, the journey that

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[SPEAKER_01]: that we steward them on.

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[SPEAKER_01]: There's like, there's a coming alive, man.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, there's just no other way to say it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: There's a awakening to self and an aliveness that emerges and we talk a lot about at the retreat and through this work, becoming a full range man, a full range man.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what I think, I think what I love so much about this retreat,

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[SPEAKER_01]: is, I remember there's one guy right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Who said, uh, he was nervous about the schedule.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I can, we can share that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: He's nervous about the schedule.

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[SPEAKER_01]: God, we're going to start at seven a.m.

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[SPEAKER_01]: and go to eleven p.m.

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[SPEAKER_01]: and he was like, oh my God, I don't, how am I going to stay awake for that?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I get it if you just think you're going to be lectured to throw that time.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm fucking on my mouth.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Forget that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And yet that's not at all what's happening at this retreat.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's such a roller coaster ride.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's such a journey through different movements and experiences and expressions that men get to touch all all the parts of themselves that tend to lay dormant or unrealized, not activated in there.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: in their everyday lives.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And you're talking about like one of the things that I know I'm more likely to be the one that doesn't share anything, but I'll share this one piece and if I'm going too far, let me know.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We have this really, really powerful session that you lead on.

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[SPEAKER_00]: On the dance that exists for men inside of being both the lover and how do you be a full ranged lover in your life?

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[SPEAKER_00]: and be able to be a full-ranged warrior for what matters most to you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And most men have a tendency to live in one or the other and have a tendency to live have parts of you that's in the shadow in that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So as an example, if you love love and you want to be in the lover archetype, well, you can orient towards being the addict of the addicted lover or the impotent lover.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And so what I love about talking about becoming a full range man is that getting men who will have a tendency to be more warrior in their life to develop the capacity to also be fully and on being the lover in their life and vice versa.

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[SPEAKER_00]: If you just want to love but then you're driving determination to be able to go serve the people and the things that matter most to you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like how do you come online to be both the lover and the warrior in your life?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, that's a full range experience and to be able to do it so powerfully is really cool.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think that's a, you know, you and I were in our fifties.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, this work is, is hard, come by it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We didn't just read some books and put out a men's program.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We've been in the trenches just as men for a long time.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Certainly we've been studying and doing all of that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I've been studying this work for decades and coaching and all of that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But the, and the only reason I bring that up is because I think I think in the world of men's work, there's a lot of, there's a lot of

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[SPEAKER_01]: focus on warrior, particularly, only being the warrior.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We even get that sometimes guys when they start our program, they'll share Instagram videos or things that they've come across that are teaching them just to be in the warrior archetype.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They don't use that language, but there's one video, one of our guys shared that he was asking our feedback on and it was a video where a guy was

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[SPEAKER_01]: an influencer a popular influencer was basically saying it's it my feelings don't matter everyone else's feelings come first my wife my kids my this my that and I am here only to serve them and that's it I come dead last yeah man it was fascinating you know to pull that apart and explore that and

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[SPEAKER_01]: And just again, it's not either right or wrong.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we're not trying to teach how to be a man or what's right or wrong, but what to see men get to stick it to live into their own versions of what does it look like to be a full range man.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And you and I both know, man, a man shut down to his needs and who puts everyone else beforehand, that shouldn't sustainable.

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[SPEAKER_01]: No.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's what causes men to commit suicide at the end of the day.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So, and at a minimum, like, is killing the vibrancy of his life.

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[SPEAKER_00]: If he's not actually going to take himself out, he's killing the vibrancy of his life, because what man is going to be able to feel fully in life, and when he doesn't get some of his needs met, and by needs, the things that he needs in order for him to feel like his life matters.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And by the way, I don't think there's a woman on the planet who in her deepest heart wants a deadbeat partner, a guy who feels nothing.

18:08.067 --> 18:19.798
[SPEAKER_00]: That's just taking the beating every day of his life so that she can get her needs, Matt the kids can get their needs, Matt, but he has to silently suffer for eternity in order for that to happen.

18:20.600 --> 18:26.846
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's just something that is so I'm just I just love about this experience man.

18:26.866 --> 18:33.593
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, like from our session this morning just seeing seeing you guys like, yeah, we're different.

18:33.854 --> 18:34.514
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a difference.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And that's fun.

18:36.396 --> 18:37.097
[SPEAKER_00]: That's fun to watch.

18:38.078 --> 18:42.542
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, the other thing that I'm really present to you, you actually were talking about this earlier about

18:43.335 --> 18:53.201
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, one of the second promises that we make to men on this journey, but in particular, this is a this is a mountaintop experience where people where men

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[SPEAKER_00]: really get one hundred percent clarity about what their purpose is.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, like who are they, who are they here to be?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What are they here to create?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Who are they here to serve?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And, and we were talking about how one of the guys, you know, I just, I'll use this term going back to that feeling of apathy, like how much

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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't, what does it all even matter?

19:17.522 --> 19:24.045
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, we're gonna be born, we're gonna die, we're gonna things are gonna go, like, what does this thing matter anyway?

19:24.485 --> 19:25.765
[SPEAKER_00]: What does, doesn't even matter?

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[SPEAKER_00]: My purpose doesn't matter, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And, but for men to get real clarity, they got the house to car the boat, they got all those things and to feel unfulfilled, that's the greatest failure that you get what you wanted and for you not to feel fulfilled, that's a failure.

19:44.633 --> 19:53.520
[SPEAKER_00]: But when men get really clear that they can have all those things, but without being in aligned with their purpose, it means nothing.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And when they get aligned with their purpose, that in some ways, nothing has to change, and they get to feel like their life matters.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm thinking of, you know, this word purpose, boy, it gets bandied around and men's work all the time.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And as though it is the most vital thing for a man to get to get clear around.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I do think this word purpose, it can really, it can fuck me up.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It can really wrap guys around their own axle and get them disoriented.

20:25.188 --> 20:29.109
[SPEAKER_01]: We use that when we talk about the five dead ends that sabotage meant, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Being disoriented is one of those five dead ends.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I like that language because it's like being disoriented for a lot of guys that looks like being oriented around the things that don't really matter to them.

20:42.192 --> 20:48.574
[SPEAKER_01]: It'll make money their purpose or status their purpose or some kind of external success their purpose.

20:49.814 --> 20:52.976
[SPEAKER_01]: And, and again, that just, that fucks a lot of guys up.

20:54.197 --> 20:57.079
[SPEAKER_01]: And, and I'm thinking of, we did an interview with Thomas Moore.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah.

20:57.639 --> 20:58.159
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Did you, do you remember talking to him?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Was it Thomas Moore that talked about purpose being, like, I think Thomas Moore was an elder who was like, you know, we need to throw that word out.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, purpose isn't something like, forget about it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't, and it would not from a cynical place.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But again, I only put that example on the table because people can have all kinds of ideas about purpose.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And what I love seeing happen from men.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's one of the things I get excited about the most in this year long journey with guys.

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[SPEAKER_01]: is seeing them, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: We dive into the purpose pillar in the month leading up to this retreat and seeing the confusion, the disorientation, seeing the grandiose ideas as well about, about purpose, that that maybe I'll get there when I'm ninety that maybe then I get to have what my purpose is I'll only know then.

21:54.457 --> 22:18.436
[SPEAKER_01]: or, again, oriented around money, right, right, wanting to be a billionaire, wanting to be some big, some big financial, have some massive financial goal, and that's, it's orienting, but ultimately you and I both know that there's a lot of miserable, a lot of billionaires, we don't need more miserable billionaires on this planet.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, who have financial insecurity,

22:24.289 --> 22:30.460
[SPEAKER_00]: billionaires, millionaires, people who have a lot of money that are living with financial insecurity.

22:31.016 --> 22:31.916
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I know.

22:32.357 --> 22:32.997
[SPEAKER_01]: It's fascinating.

22:33.037 --> 22:46.762
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, there's a whole rabbit hole week you go down with that of stories, but the thing that I love is seeing men in that confusion and in that disorientation and even in that certainty, right?

22:46.802 --> 22:53.925
[SPEAKER_01]: The certainty, towards something that ultimately isn't going to really satisfy, and it also lives way out in the future, right?

22:53.945 --> 22:54.785
[SPEAKER_01]: It's only in the future.

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[SPEAKER_01]: and helping men when they come to this retreat and then we work with them to help them connect with, oh, just the deepest purpose that is authentic to them, that isn't about what they are going to accomplish someday, but that they can live every day, today, this moment, that's such a satisfying

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[SPEAKER_01]: experience to see it.

23:24.552 --> 23:32.715
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it drops people into the present moment in a way that many times we are disconnected from it.

23:33.376 --> 23:44.200
[SPEAKER_00]: Because we're living sometimes as men to try to live into a future where we can have the freedom that we're looking for or we can just be stuck in the pain of the past.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And when we're living purpose as a now proposition, then

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[SPEAKER_00]: Then we get oriented.

23:53.092 --> 23:57.754
[SPEAKER_00]: We're on a different journey on the same path and a different journey.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And no matter what's happening around us, no matter what the circumstances look like.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We can live connected to that deepest purpose.

24:07.180 --> 24:12.043
[SPEAKER_01]: And it just again, just to see men come alive and those light bulb, aha, holy shit, your moments.

24:13.569 --> 24:16.270
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, it's such, it's so rewarding.

24:16.370 --> 24:17.190
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so good.

24:18.050 --> 24:30.392
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, and I will say, I think the third thing that I love about this retreat, not only do guys get, you know, they get fully alive and they get on powerfully on purpose.

24:30.912 --> 24:40.614
[SPEAKER_00]: The other thing that happens that's unique at this retreat, we talked about this on the very last day is that usually when people come into a retreat experience, first of all, they didn't know the men that they were

24:41.034 --> 24:42.476
[SPEAKER_00]: went on a retreat experience.

24:42.516 --> 24:46.120
[SPEAKER_00]: Complete strangers into a retreat experience.

24:46.721 --> 24:53.388
[SPEAKER_00]: And then when they leave the retreat, they largely become strangers again immediately following.

24:54.028 --> 24:55.470
[SPEAKER_00]: They might get a couple phone numbers.

24:55.530 --> 24:57.712
[SPEAKER_00]: They might stay in touch for a short period of time.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But what I'm so excited about, you know, the third promise is that they get fully supported because now if they're meant to make some decisions about who they want to be, what they want to create, who they want to serve in their life.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And now for the next six months, they get to go back into their lives with the support of this council of kings, council of really wise men in our lives.

25:17.899 --> 25:25.606
[SPEAKER_00]: And we did this today, and in the session, like one guy comes back into a world where he's really trying to navigate something, and we get to give him counsel.

25:25.786 --> 25:32.211
[SPEAKER_00]: We get to counsel a man about how to stay inside of being a king and his own life to make really difficult decisions.

25:32.932 --> 25:36.615
[SPEAKER_00]: But he's not left to his own devices to go implement the things that he's learned.

25:36.895 --> 25:38.536
[SPEAKER_00]: He has men that have his back.

25:39.408 --> 25:39.628
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

25:39.768 --> 25:48.876
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, is the most powerful integration there is is to is to stay connected in a in a meaningful and consistent, even structured way.

25:48.896 --> 25:49.757
[SPEAKER_01]: They'll do this.

25:49.897 --> 25:52.239
[SPEAKER_01]: These guys have another five, six months to go.

25:52.299 --> 25:52.479
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

25:53.020 --> 25:53.980
[SPEAKER_01]: On this journey together.

25:55.021 --> 26:03.589
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's and that's by the way, with us, then they get to go live life together after this year, just without you and I facilitating the experience.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

26:05.290 --> 26:09.351
[SPEAKER_01]: And, though, we teasing, teasing, we're not teasing.

26:09.371 --> 26:13.533
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not teasing an alternate possibility of, uh, not teasing.

26:14.133 --> 26:14.433
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.

26:14.793 --> 26:15.133
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.

26:15.174 --> 26:17.214
[SPEAKER_01]: We just, we just, we just teased it in the best way.

26:18.175 --> 26:18.535
[SPEAKER_00]: Of course.

26:19.055 --> 26:20.456
[SPEAKER_01]: My mission has been accomplished.

26:20.816 --> 26:21.216
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, no.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Um, but.

26:23.917 --> 26:32.282
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I've been to so many retreats over the years that I just was so deeply, deeply served by, and I remember, I went to one retreat.

26:32.302 --> 26:35.003
[SPEAKER_01]: It was the Byron Katie nine day school.

26:35.023 --> 26:36.324
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember when you went to that.

26:36.364 --> 26:36.624
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

26:37.024 --> 26:44.988
[SPEAKER_01]: Dude, I fucking, when I came home, I, I was, I couldn't have a conversation without crying for two weeks.

26:45.929 --> 26:47.350
[SPEAKER_01]: I was so ripped open.

26:48.150 --> 26:55.074
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but I was also, I mean, well, fortunately I had like I was managing that that music band here to hear at the time.

26:55.094 --> 26:58.476
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I had brothers, you know, in this band, I was managing them.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We were living together.

26:59.316 --> 27:00.817
[SPEAKER_01]: So they could understand.

27:00.917 --> 27:01.818
[SPEAKER_01]: They knew that work.

27:01.878 --> 27:02.578
[SPEAKER_01]: They could understand.

27:02.618 --> 27:04.739
[SPEAKER_01]: They didn't go to that retreat because they were still torrent.

27:04.760 --> 27:05.360
[SPEAKER_01]: They were on tour.

27:06.480 --> 27:07.381
[SPEAKER_01]: But they understood.

27:07.401 --> 27:08.342
[SPEAKER_01]: I still had them.

27:08.382 --> 27:09.442
[SPEAKER_01]: I had their understanding.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But I didn't have that anywhere else.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, when guys coming back from this retreat, every man is experiencing this, they're all going back into worlds where no one were very few people anyway, maybe they're into the partner.

27:28.117 --> 27:40.388
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, or one friend, if they're lucky, can begin to understand what they've just been through or hold space for them or be with them in the magnitude of what it is.

27:41.769 --> 27:51.257
[SPEAKER_01]: And that, though we, so we have still have each other, these men still have the other men, and we have this container for connection on going for the next number of months.

27:52.098 --> 27:54.180
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that's priceless.

27:55.700 --> 28:01.164
[SPEAKER_01]: It's priceless helping men get deeply deeply supported in that way.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And those are three promises, right?

28:02.905 --> 28:11.372
[SPEAKER_01]: The elevators will help men get fully in live and powerfully on purpose and deeply supported.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

28:12.713 --> 28:18.317
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, we're just halfway through and it's just so it's so exhilarating to see these men

28:22.202 --> 28:31.606
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you said something today because because one of the other men brought it up, actually, and when he was leaving the retreat, he was like, you know, we used the word brother a lot.

28:31.646 --> 28:33.806
[SPEAKER_01]: And before, yeah, we're okay.

28:33.826 --> 28:34.347
[SPEAKER_01]: We're brothers.

28:34.407 --> 28:37.988
[SPEAKER_01]: We're elevate brothers, but now after this retreat, now you're my friends.

28:40.123 --> 28:48.969
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been working, I've been coaching people for a long time and you and I hate, we don't have a brother in our family system.

28:49.309 --> 28:49.730
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.

28:50.130 --> 28:54.353
[SPEAKER_01]: But what I've seen is very few brothers are actually friends.

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[SPEAKER_01]: A lot of brothers, and we've worked with many men, even an elevate that have brothers that don't feel safe around their brothers.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that's a very few.

29:08.299 --> 29:09.620
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm actually I'm thinking of one now.

29:09.800 --> 29:10.120
[SPEAKER_01]: It's funny.

29:10.140 --> 29:11.981
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm thinking one that's in our program now.

29:13.062 --> 29:17.704
[SPEAKER_01]: He has a brother that he's really close to and that brother is in our other elevate program.

29:18.424 --> 29:19.725
[SPEAKER_01]: He's in elevate your relationship.

29:20.285 --> 29:20.485
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

29:20.685 --> 29:31.071
[SPEAKER_01]: So anyway, to see to see men deep in in brotherhood such that now they excitedly and proudly and enthusiastically call each other friends.

29:31.331 --> 29:31.651
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

29:31.991 --> 29:32.211
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

29:35.017 --> 29:39.871
[SPEAKER_00]: the integration of both of those things into one is profound.

29:41.065 --> 29:45.588
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, there's friends that aren't, that aren't brothers, like really brothers.

29:46.169 --> 29:59.458
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the, you know, it does feel different after this retreat to have those two worlds come together, a brotherhood and a close deep friendship with men that are living beautiful lives.

29:59.858 --> 30:08.804
[SPEAKER_00]: And to, you know, one of the things that I've had this dream, you know, I didn't have a men's group when I came into this work.

30:10.849 --> 30:17.251
[SPEAKER_00]: that I was doing regular with regular work with and the elevate twenty one group became my brotherhood of men.

30:17.971 --> 30:25.593
[SPEAKER_00]: And I said this in the year after as we started meeting and we're still we're actually getting together and Michigan next month.

30:26.493 --> 30:36.116
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's like my vision that both be able to hold the love and the grief that will hold us to the moment that we show up at each other's funerals.

30:38.397 --> 30:39.197
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, that's a

30:40.678 --> 31:08.681
[SPEAKER_00]: What a profound honor to live life with men in such a way that will fly across the world or the country to be at each other's funerals because of the depth that each man has had on our lives, the impact that each man has had on our life, and to do so with reverence, not just with sadness, because you said this today, because by being in each other's presence, by being in each other's lives, we, there is an entanglement

31:09.832 --> 31:20.160
[SPEAKER_00]: of our hearts and our minds and our souls in really profound ways that we get to not only live our best days, but our worst days and the last days with one another when we do this work, right?

31:20.680 --> 31:20.900
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

31:22.121 --> 31:22.341
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

31:22.641 --> 31:36.752
[SPEAKER_01]: I think, you know, we present that in our elevate work and, you know, as you're just talking about it, I mean, I wonder if you asked them and who do you know would be at your funeral in thirty years?

31:37.964 --> 31:42.885
[SPEAKER_01]: I would guess that a lot of men don't have an answer to that question.

31:43.932 --> 31:49.896
[SPEAKER_01]: They'd hope their kids, they'd hope their spouse, or maybe they're not from a punkter east.

31:49.916 --> 31:53.098
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, oh, well, they kind of have to be there, kind of thing.

31:53.758 --> 32:01.003
[SPEAKER_01]: But would show up who would fly across the country across the ocean to be at your funeral.

32:01.383 --> 32:01.623
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

32:02.123 --> 32:02.583
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

32:02.684 --> 32:03.904
[SPEAKER_01]: That I think is rare for me.

32:04.004 --> 32:09.608
[SPEAKER_00]: And like the game that we get to now start playing is to only add men into our life.

32:11.252 --> 32:15.333
[SPEAKER_00]: and that we would add ourselves into theirs when it's at that level.

32:15.553 --> 32:17.374
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we're gonna be all in with them.

32:19.474 --> 32:21.455
[SPEAKER_01]: So how do we end this?

32:21.855 --> 32:22.655
[SPEAKER_01]: How do we brand land this?

32:22.695 --> 32:33.538
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh man, I think just the way the end it is, look, our gratitude for you all listening to us tell these stories because it's so deeply meaningful and as a part of our in a world of what our purpose is.

32:34.438 --> 32:35.559
[SPEAKER_00]: This is our purpose work.

32:35.879 --> 32:41.722
[SPEAKER_00]: This is what we get to do for ourselves to be fully alive and powerfully on purpose, deeply supported.

32:41.802 --> 32:50.846
[SPEAKER_00]: And if, you know, your, your, your man that's just intrigued, you're interested know that there's information come in soon about elevate twenty six.

32:51.507 --> 32:57.410
[SPEAKER_00]: You can email Brian Brian of Ryan Reeves, Brian with a Y Brian Reeves dot com.

32:58.870 --> 33:27.185
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're a woman listen to this and you know that there's a man in your life that could be served by being fully in live and on purpose supported that that you would turn them on to Brian's work you'd send them our way and you look we'll figure out whether or not that's a right fit for you but but just plant the seed inside of your own mind your own heart your own soul that if you want next year twenty twenty six to be a pivotal moment a threshold moment that you get to step into your greatness that

33:27.845 --> 33:32.307
[SPEAKER_00]: that there's a chance that we could we could do this together and we'd love to have a conversation with you about it.

33:32.747 --> 33:33.007
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

33:34.088 --> 33:40.350
[SPEAKER_01]: And so after this episode, we'll get back to our regularly scheduled kind of programming.

33:40.370 --> 33:42.872
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to do some fun series upcoming.

33:42.952 --> 33:44.352
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to do a series on sex.

33:44.732 --> 33:45.093
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

33:45.153 --> 33:47.454
[SPEAKER_01]: That's something that we haven't talked a lot about on this podcast.

33:47.514 --> 33:50.115
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's obviously so important.

33:50.375 --> 33:51.735
[SPEAKER_01]: We've gotten a lot of requests.

33:51.835 --> 33:52.556
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's time.

33:53.156 --> 33:55.459
[SPEAKER_01]: time to deliver all that and to deliver on that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So we look forward to that.

33:56.340 --> 34:01.667
[SPEAKER_01]: So thank you for for joining us for these conversations and we'll see you in the next one.